Dangerous types of relationships (even the strongest people avoid them). Knowing the information below, we understand why some relationships do not work and we realize that overcoming them will only bring us positive emotions.
1. Unilateral relationship (only one partner needs it)
Only one of the partners wants to receive and offer attention, comes with initiative, seeks, asks. In reality, such a relationship does not even exist. One of the partners simply agrees to be with someone, out of boredom, curiosity, or unwillingness to be alone. While another – really needs a partner, idealizes him or her, wants him or her by her or his side, imagines their life together.
The secret of a healthy relationship lies first and foremost with freedom. Freedom in choice, in spending time, in lack of control, in explanations only on one’s own initiative.
2. The relationship that (seems to us) completes us
We are told, from fragile ages, that we have to look for our “half”. A man or a woman who is the complete opposite of us. A man or a woman who has all the qualities we do not and has nothing of what we have. And so, in a miraculous way, when these two meet, they both live well, complementing each other. It seems that with the appearance of that “right man or woman”, emptiness, boredom, and pain will disappear from our lives.
The reality is a little different – before you share happiness with someone, you have to invent your own one. To have what to share.
3. The relationship based on addiction
When all thoughts and actions revolve around one person. When your own interests no longer matter. When you can’t (or don’t want to) do anything without your partner’s approval. When you dedicate yourself completely to him or her.
How did you exist until your partner appeared? Restart the activities from then on. Communicate with the people you like. Take care of your life. Make time just for yourself.
4. Relationships based on idealization
We endow our partners with 1001 qualities, then we also get upset, not understanding why they don’t behave as we imagined them will. We try to see in the person who is near us, what we want, then we wonder why he or she is not behaving “properly”.
Everything would be much easier if we take into account: We are all ideally non-ideal! Love your people for what they present, not for the image you create for them.
5. Relationships in which the echo of past upsets is still alive
When the partner continues to remind us of what it was, blaming us for past events that he or she seemed to have forgiven. When what was once, through memories, manages to influence the present. When one of the partners stirs, not the most brilliant memories, and another spends all his or her energy to defend his or her innocence. And where do we end up? Remembering the past, we do nothing but manipulate our partner. We inspire him or her that he or she is not good at all. We’re removing him or her from presence. We make him or she want to disappear from our side, as soon as possible.
Success = we leave the past in the past. If we have chosen to be with this person, if we have understood and forgiven him or her- we do not remind him or her, on/with every occasion, of all the shortcomings and irrational facts.
6. Relationships built on lies
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Once destroyed, it can hardly (or not at all) be restored. Let’s not forget, there are many types of lies. If we said not everything from what it was or if we added some details or if we considered an unimportant situation – we lied to our partner. Finding, once, the difference between reality and the information received – what is the probability that we want to listen to such a person another time? Do we need a relationship with that person?
7. The relationship in which there is no forgiveness
It is too easy to believe that trust cannot be restored. In fact, absolutely anything is possible, if there is desire. If both partners are ready to work to restore trust and reach a new stage in the relationship – it will be so. If the partners are not ready to grow together, to develop and become better each for another, their relationship is over.
8. The relationship in which passive aggression replaces communication
Passive aggression can take various forms, but it comes down to the same effect – negative behavior. Instead of expressing your emotions and needs sincerely, it is easier to be silent, and then to be upset that you have not been understood, that you have not been given the attention you deserve. Passive aggression is a symbol of lack of trust in the partner, as instead of discussions soul to soul, we choose ignorance.
In reality, it makes no sense to use this mechanism (passive aggression) if we can talk openly about everything that bothers us. In fact, the person next to you will not even tend to use ignorance if they know that we understand and accept them as they are.
9. Relationships directed by emotional blackmail
Emotional blackmail is when one person uses emotional pressure on another until they achieve the desired results. The idea is that we change our behavior or even our attitude, without our own will, as a result of manipulation. Yes, for some time it is possible to live in such an entourage, but then, when the vessel of patience will be crowded, the “volcanic eruption” will appear. And what will be left of the relationship? Ash.
The key to success is communication – sincere and open.
10. Relationships that are always left on the second place
Not giving enough time to the relationship, we make a big mistake and lead, with hurried steps, the relationship towards the end.
The truth is that the relationship is like a soul, it needs time and attention to function, to flourish and develop. Try to pay attention, at least once a week, to your loved ones and daily, at least 5 minutes – for communication with them.
Being with someone, paying attention to them, listening to them without looking at the watch – this is what is so important for each of us.
Source: http://wiolife.ru/7328
One or Another 